3 Simple Tips To Avoid Email Conflict .

By Kim Arnold

When was the last time you rolled your eyes at an email in your inbox? Or fired off a terse reply with gritted teeth?

Email is a quick, easy tool we rely on every day. But all too often its speed and ease can work against us – we don’t think enough about the impact of each message we send.  This results in unnecessary conflict, wasted time and effort and a whole lot of misunderstanding.

A study by Grammarly last year found that the average knowledge worker experiences weekly miscommunication – that’s too often.

The good news is that we can all become more empathetic and engaging communicators with just three small changes to our emails.

Stuffy, formal language and long words create a brick wall between us and our readers.  They get in the way of an emotional connection – the connection that encourages people to act.

Conversational language, however, builds rapport. It’s still professional, but it’s taken off its top hat and tails.  So ditch the ‘I trust this email finds you well’ and replace it with ‘How was your weekend?’.  Consider switching ‘Please find attached the aforementioned documentation’ with the shorter, simpler ‘Here’s the report.’

Simply put, conversational language reminds your reader that you’re having a conversation.  And that’s exactly what you want them to feel if you want to invite a friendly reply.

Research shows we vastly overestimate our ability to decipher other people’s intentions over email.  We get the wrong end of the stick all the time, misinterpreting even the simplest of messages.

So if you receive an email that rubs you up the wrong way, always give the author the benefit of the doubt.  Assume best intent.  Ask clarifying questions.  And even better – pick up the phone.  Studies into empathy show it’s best transmitted through voice, so the phone is most definitely your friend.

We’ve all been there.  Steam coming out of our ears, knuckles white with anger, we’ve bashed out a terse email peppered with passive-aggressive phrases like:

‘As previously stated’

‘As per my last email’

‘Ccing in [name] for clarification purposes’

But emotional or impulsive emails are never a good idea.  Think of the last time you sent an email when you were angry, frustrated, disappointed or aggravated.  Did anything good come of it?  Or did you get a curt/defensive/rude/frustrated response back?

Remember too your recipient reads your email in whatever mood they’re in – so if they’re already having a bad day, a loaded phrase like ‘I was surprised to learn…’ can be enough to tip them over the edge.

So pause before hitting send, get a second opinion if you can and come back to your email when you’re feeling calm.  You’ll likely send a different response – one that will get you the results you need, faster.

Kim Arnold is the founder of Email Engagement, the world’s No. 1 email writing training programme, with clients including leading law firms and in-house legal teams, financial institutions, pharma giants and more.  The programme has helped thousands of people around the world, from Australia to the Arctic Circle, transform their remote communication to get the results they need.

Recognised as one of the world’s leading authorities on email writing and remote communication, Kim is the author of the award-winning, best-selling book, Email Attraction – Get what you want every time you hit send.   She has been featured widely in the media including in Forbes, the Financial Times, on BBC Radio, CNBC and more.

For more information, visit kimarnold.co.uk or email Kim at kim@kimarnold.co.uk