Racehorses, robberies and fisticuffs – it’s all in a day’s work for a mediator

We all know that mediation is a serious business. However, whilst our celebrations to mark our 25th year in business are on hold, our mediators have been looking back on their most amusing experiences over the years. Here, for your enjoyment, is a compilation of the printable ones!

Pass the smelling salts

‘One of the funniest moments was when I brought the defendant’s first offer to the claimant’s room. It so amazed the claimant’s solicitor that he had to lie down on the floor for a while.’

Hello, hello, hello!

‘I returned to the plenary room after a meeting with one party to find that my wallet, iPad and phone had been stolen. I told the hosts, a prestigious London firm, and the police were called. Unaware of what had happened, the other side – the guests – later came to find me in the plenary room. Imagine their surprise when they walked in to see their trusted broker being interviewed by two burly coppers from the City of London Police.’

You’re having a laugh

‘There was an English mediator, an Irish claimant and a French defendant. After a long, hard day the parties were within a few thousand pounds of each other but refusing to budge as a matter of principle. It looked as though everything was going to fall apart, so I called a joint meeting and proposed that they split the difference. The Irish client smiled and said “OK, on one condition – we sign the deal in the pub before it closes.” The French lawyer turned to his client and said “Non, non, NON! If you agree to that proposal I will never act for you again.” There was a stunned silence that lasted an age before the French lawyer and client burst out laughing and said “Only joking! Yes we accept, we anticipated that and wanted to see your faces.”’

Horsing around

‘My funniest story? Being floored by an over-friendly racehorse on a site visit in a right of way dispute. I’m still having to retrieve my agricultural credentials from the mud!’

Make mine a double

‘On election day in May 2015 I was mediating in a neutral venue when at around 7pm the cleaners turned up and asked us to leave. They were oblivious to our pleas so we had to adjourn to a local wine bar. We’d been close to a deal and once installed in our new venue we were able to cut the deal and conclude the settlement – then sit back and watch the election coverage together amid much mirth and a few drinks.’

A fighting chance?

‘The solicitor for the claimant tried to punch one of the representatives of the defendant and was only prevented by a neat netball defence move from the lead mediator and me. The hotel receptionists, who witnessed the debacle, were so impressed that they upgraded each of us to a penthouse suite complete with Jacuzzi. If only we had had the leisure to enjoy it.’ 

Um, awkward!

‘The funniest mediation was seeing two parties who had erupted with each other in a plenary having no option but to stand awkwardly either side of me at a urinal immediately afterwards.’